I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
