Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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