your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
