i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
