does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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