Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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