The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
