I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I checked into jail on foursquare
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
