Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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