the condom got lost in my hair
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
