I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
