I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
