i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
