Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
