the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
