so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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