if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
