It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need to calm my uterus...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
