i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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