Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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