I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
