I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
