this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We had sex on a dog bed..
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
