dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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