You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
NoShamevember. You game?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
