i just had sex bonerless
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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