So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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