It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
