last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
