Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
