I'm drive I can fine osifer
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
