I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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