He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
