I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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