Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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