We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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