I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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