I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
