Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
