guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
