We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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