Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
