Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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