My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
