My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's never too late to be topless.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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