On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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