that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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