Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
