My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
