she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
