Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
