Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
All the doctor said was why
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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