also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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